Friday, December 23, 2005

12 Days of Liberal Bans - Day 12

Canadians Ban Liberal Party

Canadians gave themselves a Christmas present this year by banning the Liberal Party from Canada.

From Adscam; Western Alienation; Gun Registry; HRDC boondoggle; Shawinigate; or the GST Red Book lies, Canadians finally said that they have had enough of Liberal corruption, arrogance and dictorial style leadership and overwhelmingly turned the Libs from gov't.

Atlantic Canada, still scared that a change in government will result in job losses and handouts, responded with a 24% ban rate only.

In Western Canada, the ban rate was 99%, with .25% disapproving in Edmonton and Vancouver Centre's respectively.

Most impressive was Ontario (outside of the GTA) with a resounding 87% ban rate, proving they are people of wisdom and intellect.

Now THAT is the best Christmas present Canadians could ask for.

"Now where can I get some beer and popcorn??"

12 Days of Liberal Bans - Day 10

Liberals Consider Banning Intelligence From Within the Party

On the heels of the horrifying discovery of the PM's small brain, Scott Feschuk, the PM's dim-witted speech writer, has suggested that the Liberals consider banning anyone from within the party with an IQ of over 65%.

"This is bound to make over the Prime Minister and make him look extremely brilliant and capable", Feschuk was quoted as saying.

When pressed by reporters about whether this idea was good, Scott responded, "Look, the majority of Liberal cabinet ministers already have minimal or lower levels of intelligence, so this shouldn't have any impact on the party, or the way Canadians will vote on January 23."

Reporters on the campaign trail with the Prime Minister asked him about Feschuk's concept. "Change, yes," Mr. Martin told the reporters. "But I think you've got to ask, `Who's going to bring in that change, and what kind of change are people talking about?"'


Well .... it's obvious to most Canadians that the Liberals have their work cut out for them if they want to try and make this guy look smart.

"Now where can I get some beer and popcorn??"

Thursday, December 22, 2005

12 Days of Liberal Ban - Day 9

NDP Wants Liberals To Ban Brown Paper Bags

The Martin Liberal camp awoke today to find themselves in full damage control after Jack Layton of the NDP accused the Liberals of paying campaign workers from brown paper bags and demanding an immediate ban on all brown paper bags, including lunch bags.

Layton, in Edmonton bashing Ralph Klein, told a crowd of supporters and candidates, "I came to deliver a message – one that Paul Martin needs to hear - back off - and ban all brown paper bags".

Martin, campaigning in Quebec told reporters, "I have made it very clear, and there is no equivocation about this, when people are engaged in the campaign, they must be paid from brown paper bags."

" It's the way things are done in MY Canada. As Prime Minister, one must take tough stands on issues ... and brown paper bags need Charter protection and by God, I will make sure they get it! There's no ifs, buts or mays about it."

He went on further, "The fact is that we're the government and we won't ever stopped being the government. Mr. Layton's desire to ban brown paper bags isn't the right thing to do, not just for the Liberals, but all Canadians."

"As your Prime Minister, I promise to squelch brown paper bag alienation. If I do not succeed at this task, then I won't have done my job as your Prime Minister".

A research poll conducted by The LBA (Lunch Bag Association) found that over 42% of Canadians prefer brown paper bags. The numbers are especially high in Ontario, where a whopping 78% of people prefer to be paid by brown paper bag.

"Now where can I get some beer and popcorn??"

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

12 Days of Liberal Bans - Day 8

Liberals Ban Debating

Horrified Liberals have discovered that their leader is in fact a brainless twit. Of course, this is no surprise to Canadians, who have known about his mental condition for years.

In a desperate move to keep this "discovery" quiet, the Liberals have banned any form of debate or asking any questions to the PMO until January 24.

Sensing desperation in the Liberal camp, Stephen Harper's election war room seized upon the opportunity to take a "punch" at the PM.

"I'm prepared to take a brain scan to show that I have a complete and fully functional brain" Harper said. "I also will be taking Mr. Duceppe up on his offer and look forward to debating him in the near future."

The NDP, feeling like shoe gum, and not to be outdone were quoted as saying, "that Liberal tactic won't work in Toronto. It’s like assuming there is intelligent life on the Hill,” Layton said. “We might appear to have brains, but you are really not likely to get anything remotely resembling intellect.”

In the wake of this recent annoucement, polls show interest by Canadians in the election has increased a full percentage point to 1.5%. The poll is said to be accurate within +1/-1 percentage points.

"Now where can I get some beer and popcorn??"

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

12 Days of Liberals Bans - Day 7

Liberals Ban Sincerity

In order to parlay Friday night's debate into more seats in Parliament, the Liberals have now banned sincerity from their election platform ... but only for senior cabinet ministers, those in the Privy Council and PMO's office.

"Belinda Stronach has already taken advantage of the sincerity ban", her Newmarket-Aurora campaign chair was quoted as saying. "Her desire to pursue her political ambitions could have been seriously derailed had this new ban not been effected. Now that she doesn't have to try with her constituents - she can keep selling them more hyberbole."

"Sincerity is everything. When you can fake that, you've got it made." a source close to Stronach was quoted as saying. "I mean, if Martin can pretend that he is a bright guy, surely Belinda Stronach and Anne McLellan can pretend that they are sincere and highly effective senior ministers".

"Now where can I get some beer and popcorn??"

Monday, December 19, 2005

12 Days of Liberal Bans - Day 6

Liberals Ban French White Guys Named Gilles

The French debate on Thursday night sparked anger within the Liberal Party, who now propose a ban on all white french guys named Gilles.

"We must take immediate action", a distressed party supporter was quoted as saying.

"The ban is necessary in order for us to have a chance of retaining seats in Quebec, especially Paul Martin's riding of Lasalle-Emard, which contains thousands of french white guys named Gilles", insiders were quoted as saying.

"It will only affect those residing in Quebec", stated PMO spokesperson Scott Reid (or BJ as he is known to his friends). "The Liberals know what is best for Canada."

"Those Gilles ... they want to take Paulie's Quebec ... but no siree. They won't take Paul's Quebec ... or Chez Helene's Quebec ... or Rene Simard's Quebec ... or Quebec's Quebec ... well - you get my point."

When asked if the ban would further tension in Ottawa, BJ replied, "Sadly, the Liberals have been made targets of a deliberate and orchestrated smear campaign by hardline Gilles. "

"The true test is whether you affected Gilles, ... for instance, if your presence causes Gilles to spill beer all over you at the Press Club, it may force you to suggest oral copulation as a way of showing your displeasure."

"Now where can I get some beer and popcorn??"

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Dreaming of Edmonton

I feel asleep and woke up in Edmonton yesterday! Well - not really .. but I am in Edmonton, and will be here for a few days. But don't despair ... 12 Days of Liberal Bannings will be back on Monday.

Friday, December 16, 2005

12 Days of Liberal Bans - Day 5

Shhhh ... Liberal Party Plans to Ban Poutine in Quebec

Don't tell anyone ... but sources tell me that the Liberals will announce that immediately following the January 23 election, should they be re-elected, a total ban on Poutine will be put into effect.

Liberal insiders blame it on Paul Martin's ever expanding waistline, and his obsession with every dupanier and chipwagon in Quebec.

"Sheila had him on a diet over the summer in order to get him to loose some poundage", stated the party inside. "It didn't work, and now his stomach is so large that he topples over all the time" lamented the source. "It's caused brain damage and we are finding it difficult to hide it from the public. One day he's a Liberal, then an NDP ... we just never know anymore".

A mainstay of the Quebec diet, critics caution that banning Poutine is certain to result in another FLQ crisis.

"Now where can I get some popcorn and beer".

Thursday, December 15, 2005

12 Days of Liberal Bans - Day 4

The Liberal Party Annouces Ban On Celine Dion

The Liberal Party today banned Celine Dion records and have cancelled all future concert dates.

Liberal insiders blame it on her media outburst during Hurricane Katrina, where she emphatically pleaded for help for Americans still stuck in the television.

"Most Canadians aren't fooled by Ms. Dion's outburst, remarked Paul Martin. "
She professes to love Canada, but coddles and cries about those Americans. I say .... if they are stuck, then they need to find their own way out".

Although no indication was given whether it was a lifetime ban, the Liberal party insider who spoke on condition of anonomity stated that, with the proper contribution to the Quebec arm of the party - made in a brown paper bag and left at Franks in Montreal, they would consider rescinding the ban.

"Now where can I get some popcorn and beer".

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

12 Days of Liberal Bans - Day 3

The Liberal Party Bans Winter

The Liberal party today banned winter.

Media outlets are reporting that, unlike the gun registry which has proven ineffective, the idea of banning winter may work.

"The plan has been well thought out and was thoroughly studied to ensure it's feasibility", reported PMO spokesperson Scott (ah shit.. is that my foot in my mouth) Reid.

"Reasonable people understand that winter is cold, icy and scary". Just ask any Canadian, they agree that scary things happen in Ottawa when winter hits".

"Ontario is behind the program 100% and Quebecers are giving it serious thought. "

"As for those western bastards ... well - they can just blow me or freeze all year long... god damn knuckle draggers".

"Now where can I get some popcorn and beer".

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

12 Days of Liberal Bans - Day 2

The Liberal Party Bans Water, but Provinces Can Opt Out

The Liberal party today banned water, in order to reduce the high number of deaths from water related incidents in Niagara Falls.

"Water is a scourge on our society", Martin was quoted as saying. "Drownings, of course will immediately cease, which is great news for Canadians. I love Canada."

"I say NO to water ... NO to flooding ... and NO to ... oh wait - what was that?? Oh .. beer is made with water?? Well, in that case ... never mind!

"Now where can I get some popcorn and beer".

Monday, December 12, 2005

12 Days of Liberal Bans

I figure since I am on a 12 days kick, why not pretend to be a strategist with the Liberal party and continue on their theme of banning stuff (toque tip Celestial Junk.)

Today the Liberal Party Bans Feet
The Liberal party, in an effort to win votes in the GTA, has announced a total ban on feet should they get re-elected.

"Feet are responsible for 100% of tripping deaths", stated a horrified Martin. "If given the mandate to govern, the Liberals promise an all out ban on feet."

"Now where can I get some popcorn and beer".

Sunday, December 11, 2005

12 Twisted Days of Christmas

By now you are thinking to yourself ... "Hey - that song sounds familiar ... but somehow it isn't the same."

Well ... that's because you have entered Exposed Agenda's 12 Twisted Days of Christmas.

Every day there will be a new tune to get you into the spirit of things.

Greg and I hope you enjoy our selections. Ho Ho Ho.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

RIP .... RP

"Both verbally potent and physically eloquent" ... words used to describe Richard Pryor. Known for his work as an actor, writer and stand-up comic, he scored a total of 3 Grammy Awards in the '70s and 80s. Two for his concert albums, "Bicentennial Nigger" and "That Nigger's Crazy." He also won in 1973 for writing a Lily Tomlin television special (she was the one ringy dingy operator on Laugh In).

One of the biggest stories made up about Richard was that he set himself on fire while freebasing cocaine. In an autobiography he wrote in 1995, Richard stated that "after freebasing several days in a row, I wasn't able to discern one day from the next. Imagining relief was nearby, I reached for the cognac bottle on the table in front of me and poured it all over me. Real natural. Methodical. I picked up my lighter and I was engulfed in flame. I was in a place that wasn't heaven or earth. I must've gone into shock because I didn't feel anything."

Thursday, December 08, 2005

The NDP present ... Canada Man

Starring ........

Well .... would you??

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

What A Crock

Here we go again ….. electing another dictator. Why do I say this?? Let’s look at the way we got into this mess.

We have what is considered a parliamentary democracy with a constitutional monarchy (means that a king or queen is the figurehead). The Prime Minister is elected by the leading party (we have 4).

Now these party leaders have the power to create the political agenda for the party, the party rules, by which all members must adhere too; set party policy, and replace and reassign party members at his/her discretion.

Your MP, if a candidate in one of these 4 parties, must follow the agenda set by the party leader -- unreservedly. Consequences for failing to “tow the party line” include banning MP’s from committees, (which are gravy trains where they make mucho dollars), or being kicked out of the party altogether.

So if you were hoping for representation from your MP ... fuggedaboudit.

In essence, one person sets the agenda for the country, unless in a governing minority situation, they require the support of opposition members.

So what are some of the powers of the PM (dictator)?? They can appoint:

- All members of Cabinet;
- Senators;
- Heads of Crown corporations;
- Supreme Court judges;
- Exec Board positions (ie: Head of Transport Safety Board, etc.);
- All Ambassadors;
- Governor General;
- and about 3100 other positions across Canada.

Arguably, the PM has the most absolute power of any elected leader in any fully democratic country.

Free elections alone are not sufficient for Canada to be a true democracy. Without reform, Canadians going to the ballot on January 23 are just choosing another dictator (perhaps one that is not as bad as the last one … but a dictator all the same).

Fireweed Democracy is a project that is seeking your input on electoral reform. Make sure you pay a visit:

Remember that change can't happen without you .... get involved!

Oh Canada

Our home .....

and Native land ....

true patriot love ...

In all our sons commands.....

God bless Canada

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Geographic Lesson Needed For Dithers

Pass the eggrolls please....

During election campaigns, travelling to so many cities and towns in a day can get to you.

Sometimes you forget what time it is or where you are.

Yesterday, however, it appears that Prime Minister Paul Martin forget what country he was in or it's location on the map.

During a series of interviews with Chinese media organizations, Martin attempted to explain to interviewers how important the Chinese Canadian community is to the country.

In fact, he announced, Canada has geographically moved its borders to be closer to them. "What we really are saying is we're a major Asian country," Mr. Martin told Omni TV, to roars of laughter from the Canadian media watching the interview."

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Calgary Blogger Meet & Greet

Today was the first annual Calgary blogger meet and greet, held at the Ranchman's. It was a great success and I was impressed how hearty these bunch were for braving -19C weather to attend (not that the free booze and food weren't helpful in persuading us to trek outside today).

Greg and I hooked up with Richard from Cannuckistan Chronicles who was hosting the event. Richard's open invitation also afforded Greg and I the chance to meet some other proud Westerners who are also desirous of accountability from all levels of government like Mike R from Project Alberta.

I've always enjoyed Mike's site and after meeting him we know why! Mike's passion for a better Alberta is infectious! His busy life (he's got a 5 week old!!) still doesn't prevent him from giving his time to bettering not only his life, but those of his children and their children. If you haven't already joined the discussion at Project Alberta, what in the heck are you waiting for! Mike has one of the best forums around.

Rob from Bumfonline fame also attended. Originally from Saskatoon, this brillant and funny young man says he loves living in Alberta. (So do I Rob!!). I look forward to seeing you again in January!

John, an avid blog traveller was an absolute delight to chat with. His ardor for western canadian reform and it's achievability within Canada has merit and is something that should be discussed further. Perhaps I can convince him to write occassional articles on Exposed Agenda?? Whadda ya say John??

I also wanted to say thanks again to Harold for stopping by. The laughter and bantering coming from our table was what prompted Harold to ask in the first place if we were the blogging group. Hopefully we were able to show him that we weren't wingnuts and wackjobs after all... just a grassroots group trying to make change. Please stop by my comments Harold and say hi. I look forward to chatting with you again in January.

Although no pictures are available of today's event, I did promise Rob and Mike that I would post Jean Jean ... the groupie that was following Richard around at the Alliance Leadership convention. So here she is ... Jean Jean.

(Ah Richard... I had to do that ... lol)

A second meet & greet is being planned for January for a pre-election Kick The Liberals Out party. Hope you can come!

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts" - Sir Winston Churchill.

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